Communication

    Hello everybody, This week I am going to discuss how important good communication is in a relationship and with our family members. When I think about bad communication, I think about Rom-Com and Hallmark movies. In almost every single one, the couple gets into a fight because one kept a secret from the other or one of them failed to communicate something with the other. This is usually followed by a scene where the girl leaves town and the guy realizes he messed up, and he goes after her, and then they make up. Well, in real life, people also keep secrets from each other or have a hard time expressing their feelings. However, the forgiving and making up part isn't as easy as they make it seem in the movies. It takes time to regain someones trust and be able to show them you're truly sorry. This can be a very hard thing to do, but there are methods that can help when it comes to effective communicating. While studying for this topic, I came across this graph by David D Burns, called "five Secrets of Effective Communication". The first step is Disarming Technique. In this step you need to find some type of truth in what the other person is saying, even though it might seem wrong or unfair to you. Second, empathy. In this step you need to try to put yourself in the other person's shoes and try to understand where they are coming from. Third, Inquiry. Now that you both should have calmed down at this point, you should start asking questions gently and try to figure out what the other person is feeling and/ or thinking. Fourth, "I Feel" statements. At this point, try to express your feelings using phrases such as "I feel upset", or "I feel unheard". Do not use accusing phrases such as "you did this" or "you did that". That will only make the problem worse. Finally, stroking. In this fifth and final step, you need to convey an attitude of respect and find something positive to say to each other and/or to agree on.

    My parents always say to "never go to bed angry". I agree with this wholeheartedly. I've noticed when I have a disagreement with one of my siblings or friends and I don't do anything to fix it and just "go to bed angry" then I build up more anger and resentment because I feel unheard. Whereas, on the other hand, when I end up talking to them about what is bugging me or something we are disagreeing on, I tend to forgive them easily and end up being happier with them the next day. In an article called, Never go to bed angry – study finds evidence for age-old advice, it says, "The study, published in the journal Nature Communications, suggests that during sleep, the brain reorganizes the way negative memories are stored, making these associations harder to suppress in the future." In other words, if we go to bed angry, we are more likely to remember these negative feelings and memories, which then causes more angry feelings for a longer amount of time. The only way to prevent this is to talk about the problem and find a resolution that will make both of you happy. It is very important to also find the best form of communication for you and your spouse or family member. Every one communicates differently, so It's significant to find methods of communication that will work out best for the two of you and will minimize arguments. Once you do that, your relationships will only get