Family Systems and the Homeostatic Theory

Hello everybody, I am so excited to talk about this week's topic, family systems, and the homeostatic theory. The homeostatic theory is the tendency for things to stay the same, such as mechanisms, rules, and roles. In your family, have you noticed that you and all your siblings are “assigned” a certain role? Whether it be the troublemaker, the peacemaker, or the example. We all have these roles that have been given to us by our family, whether we like it or not. In an article by Hal Sorey called “How to Escape Your Role in Your Family” he says, “You were a kid, after all, and did not consciously choose your family or your role in it. You might have been assigned the role of being the sick one, the black sheep, the hero, or the caretaker.” What happens when we want to change? What if I don't want to be the “bad kid” anymore? What should I do if I don’t want to have to be the example anymore? Well luckily for you, here are some things that you can do that might help you, that helped me and my sibling's relationship. Number one, you first have to recognize the problem. Most of the time, we do not know what role we are in, so we have to figure out what it is because that is the first step to knowing how to change. For example, I have been known as the "difficult child" in my family because ever since I was a little kid, I would always get upset with my siblings really easily, and we would fight a lot. A few years ago I began noticing that I would always argue with my siblings and I started to realize how much it affected me and the rest of my family. Number two you have to acknowledge/accept it. For a long time, I would always get defensive and upset whenever my siblings told me, you're always fighting with us. It took me a while to actually acknowledge that I was a difficult child but once I did, I knew that I was on the right path to change. Number three, Expect pressure. This doesn’t necessarily happen for everyone, It just depends on your family. But if you do, you might experience pressure when you are trying to change because a lot of the time people don’t like change, and/or they don’t want to have to figure out how the family will function without someone having that certain role. Luckily for me, my family didn't give me a hard time when I was trying to change, they actually encouraged me and helped me. Number four, change in a way that will get you into a role that you want to be in. I did not want to be the sibling that nobody wanted to be around anymore, so I began trying to shift into a role that made my siblings trust me and want to be around me. Step five It takes time. It was not an overnight thing. It took time, dedication, and really hard work for me to be able to switch from one role to another. Slowly day after day I could start telling a difference in the way we treated each other. Our relationships with each other started to grow, and we started spending more time with each other. Although it took a long time, I am so happy I put in that hard work. Ever since then, I have only seen an increase in the relationships with the people in my family.